we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
People in love make me want to vomit
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
Can't talk, ducks in the car
Randomize
