i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
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