Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
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