I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Randomize
