Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
Randomize
