Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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