U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Randomize
