Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
Randomize
