That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
