he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
She needs sedatives and a leash
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize