So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
