honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
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