it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
My day in three words: secret purse cake
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
Randomize
