i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
Randomize
