So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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