just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
All I want is dick and wine.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
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