i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
Randomize
