my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Randomize
