White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
