I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
