Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
