hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
I enjoy the company of your penis
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