when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Randomize
