Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
Randomize
