Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
Randomize
