Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Randomize
