dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize
