i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Randomize
