my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
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