I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
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