imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
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