Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
i can't believe i had my finger in that
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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