it wasn't lemon gatorade
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
