4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
tonight lets celebrate not being married
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
She made me pour olive oil on her.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
