yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
Randomize
