hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
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