If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
