You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Randomize
