Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize
