Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
