Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
i believe in u and ur pee
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
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