I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
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