I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
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