Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
Randomize