The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
Randomize
