just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
