i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
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