Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Randomize
