Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
We had sex on a dog bed..
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
