TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
I party with great urgency now.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
