this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Randomize
