i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
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