Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
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