is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
He passed out mid-signature
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize
