dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
Couch. On fire.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Randomize
