I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
