Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
Don't tell me you're on acid again
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
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