at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
