These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
