Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
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