I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
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