it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
