I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
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