Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
