why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
Randomize
