and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize
