found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
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