im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
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