i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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