im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
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