Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
Drunk is a universal language darling
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